A Dilly of a Death

Pickled Dillies:
Original pickle jokes
by China's friends and fans

A contest to discover the cutest cuke jokes!

We were inspired to create this pickle-joke contest by a wonderful letter from Jean Lyon, of Ashtabula OH. She writes: "I am in the midst of finishing A Dilly of a Death. I am also nearly nuts! While I work, garden and nap, I keep making up pickle jokes! I am 83 and they could put me away for this!" (See Jean's jokes, at the bottom of the list below.) Wonderful! we thought, as we smiled, giggle, chortled, and roared with laughter. The world would be a better, brighter, and happier place if there were only more pickle jokes! And then came the next thought: What we need is a barrel of pickled dillies. Let's ask China's friends to help!

Pickle Jokes

Contest Winners:
  1. What do you call a pickle lullaby?
    A cucumber slumber number. (Susan Reifert, Austin TX)

  2. What is the Mexican pickle's favorite dance?
    La Cukearacha. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  3. What do you call a pickle in disguise?
    The Emerald Pimperdill. (Randy Pearce, Dallas TX)

Contest Entries:

  1. What do you call a pickle doctor?
    A dill pusher. (Caroline Phillips, Burtonsville MD)

  2. What is the pickle's philosophy of life?
    Never a dill moment. (Carol Liss, Silver Spring MD)

  3. What do you call the pickle that got run over on the highway?
    Road dill. (Jan Striplin, Kilgore TX)

  4. What does an agreeable pickle always say?
    I relish the idea. (B. A. Mueller, Cranford NJ)

  5. What does the non-believing pickle say?
    You're gherkin my chain. (B. A. Mueller, Cranford NJ)

  6. Who is the pickles' favorite artist?
    Salvador Dilly. (B. A. Mueller, Cranford NJ)

  7. What is the pickles' favorite Marx Bros movie?
    "A Dill at the Races". (B. A. Mueller, Cranford NJ)

  8. What is the pickles' favorite John Grisham novel?
    "A Time to Dill". (B. A. Mueller, Cranford NJ)

  9. What is the pickles' favorite classic movie?
    "To Dill a Mockingbird". (B. A. Mueller, Cranford NJ)

  10. What's black and white and green all over?
    The pickle that fell into the printer. (Jan Striplin, Kilgore TX)

  11. What did one onion say to another?
    My Brine is your Brine. (Brian Pearson, Novato CA)

  12. What did one dill say to the other dill?
    A fine pickle you got us into! (Brian Pearson, Novato CA)

  13. What is green and pecks on trees?
    Woody Wood Pickle. (Elaine Kotler, West Hartford CT)

  14. What's the pickles favorite game show?
    Let's Make a Dill. (Elaine Kotler, West Hartford CT)

  15. What's black and white, black and white, black and white, and green?
    Three zebras fighting over a pickle. (Elaine Kotler, West Hartford CT)

  16. What did Mrs. Pickle yell at her mischevous kids in the supermarket (deli section of course)?
    Stop gherkin around! (Ed Pierzynski, Oaklyn NJ)

  17. What is a pickles favorite movie?
    Brine's Song. (Ed Pierzynski, Oaklyn NJ)

  18. What is green and hairy and hangs out in New York?
    King Kong Pickle. (Byrle Moore, San Diego CA)

  19. Where is the Liberty Bell located?
    In PhilaDILLphia. (Judy Casey, Bella Vista AR)

  20. What did the pickle put on his agenda?
    His dilly workload. (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  21. What is the pickle's favorite newspaper?
    The Dilly Planet. (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  22. What is the pickle's most common sin?
    He's Green with Envy. (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  23. What was the name of the book used for public speaking classes?
    "How to Win Friends and Influence Pickles" by Dill Carnegie. (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  24. What was the name of the pickle vampire?
    Count Vat-ula. (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  25. What does the pickle call his take-home pay?
    The Bread and Butter. (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  26. What is the pickle's favorit tourist attraction in England?
    Picadilly Circus. (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  27. What do you say to a pickle that is freaking out?
    Just dill. (Annie Blackwell, Sewanee TN)

  28. What did Volkswagon name their new VW Bug?
    The Cucumber Beetle. (Deborah J. Stiffler, Blairsville PA)

  29. What did they call the new cartoon remake of the Chip & Dale Show?
    The Chip & Dill Show. (Deborah J. Stiffler, Blairsville PA)

  30. Why are pickles in sandwiches so polite?
    They're well bread. (Christy, Mechanicsburg PA)

  31. What's green and wears a mask?
    The Lone Pickle. (Christy, Mechanicsburg PA)

  32. What happens when a pickle is bored?
    He becomes very dill. (Christy, Mechanicsburg PA)

  33. What is green and carries a gun?
    Marshall Dill. (Christy, Mechanicsburg PA)

  34. When can you put pickles in the door?
    When it's ajar. (Christy, Mechanicsburg PA)

  35. What is the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
    If you don't know, you should stop talking to your pickle. (Christy, Mechanicsburg PA)

  36. Why did the cucumber need a lawyer?
    Because it was in a pickle. (Christy, Mechanicsburg PA)

  37. Why doesn't a pickle like to travel?
    Because it's a jarring experience. (Christy, Mechanicsburg PA)

  38. What business does a smart pickle go into?
    He opens a dilly-catessen. (Christy, Mechanicsburg PA)

  39. What's huge, green, and lies at the bottom of the ocean?
    Moby Pickle. (Jill Williamson, Conroe TX)

  40. What did the dill say to his sweet pickle?
    Pucker up! (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  41. What is the pickle's favorite song?
    "On the Briny". (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  42. What did the bride and groom pickles say when asked to repeat their vows?
    "I dill." (Faye Keller, Lowell AR)

  43. What do you find on the back of some Dairy Queen ice cream wrappers?
    A Dilly Barcode. (Susan Reifert, Austin TX)

  44. Two pickles were abducted by aliens. Why didn't anyone believe their story?
    Because they were full of crock. (Lucy Betz, Columbia MO)

  45. A Welsh pickle's favorite poet?
    Dill-an Thomas. (Lucy Betz, Columbia MO)

  46. What's a popular dish south of the border?
    Pica-dill-o and rice. (Lucy Betz, Columbia MO)

  47. What was the cucumber's favorite letter?
    He would always pick 'L'. (Ed Pierzynski, Oaklyn NJ)

  48. What did the pickle's wife say when he came home late and said he was stuck in a jar?
    That's a crock! (Ed Pierzynski, Oaklyn NJ)

  49. What's green and walks thru walls?
    Casper the Friendly Cucumber. (Theresa Chedoen, Port Townsend WA)

  50. How does a pickle yodel?
    Oh-dill-aye-ee-oo! (Julie Bates, Winston-Salem NC)

  51. What is baby cucumber's favorite toy?
    Pickle Me Elmo. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  52. What is the Japanese pickle's favorite Nancy Drew mystery?
    The Secret of the Old Crock. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  53. What is the cucumber's favorite scary movie?
    The Brining, starring Jack Pickleson. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  54. Why was the pickle dentist sued?
    For dilling the wrong tooth. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  55. What is the toddler cuke's favorite TV network?
    Pickleodeon. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  56. What type of bouquet did Pickle sent his girl?
    Dilly of the Valley. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  57. What did the sign on the Pickle Barrel Restaurant say?
    Fine brining; cover charge 5 dillars. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  58. Why did the famous Hollywood cucumber check into the Betty Ford Clinic?
    For a cure. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  59. What is the dill pickles favorite hymn at church?
    Crock of Ages. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  60. What is the Number One song on the pickle charts?
    Blueberry Dill by Vats Domino. (Bonny Conway, Westlake OH)

  61. What do you call a pickled cucumber who runs back and forth?
    A willy-nilly dilly. (Ellen Beck, Randolph NY)

  62. What do you call a small sweet pickle that wears a vest?
    A gherkin in a jerkin. (Ellen Beck, Randolph NY)

  63. What do you call the pickle's mean step brother?
    Half sour. (Rhonda Freiberg, Nyc WA)

  64. What musical instrument does a talented pickle play?
    A Pickleodeon. (Pat Reilley, Fitchburg MA)

  65. Which gameshow do cucumbers like best?
    Let's Make a Dill. (Lori, Jacksonville FL)

  66. What is green and has two wheels?
    A motorpickle. (J. Phillips, Arlington TX)

  67. What's green and wears a cape?
    Super Pickle. (Ellen Beck, Randolph NY)

  68. What is green and goes slam, slam, slam, slam?
    A four door pickle. (Bonnie Mowery, Urbana OH)

  69. What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods?
    A hillbilly dilly. (Karlene Barger, Atlanta GA)

  70. What do you call a female pickle that horses around?
    A filly dilly. (Jean Lyon, Ashtabula OH)

  71. What are lying, flirty pickle called?
    Fickle pickles. (Jean Lyon, Ashtabula OH)

  72. Why can't a seedless cucumber be pickled?
    Infer-dillity. (Jean Lyon, Ashtabula OH)

  73. Where do they put spoiled pickles?
    Dilly dumps. (Jean Lyon, Ashtabula OH)

  74. Who treats a sick pickle?
    The vat-rinarian. (Jean Lyon, Ashtabula OH)

  75. What do you call a drunk pickle?
    A crocked cuke. (Jean Lyon, Ashtabula OH)

  76. What do you call people who make up pickle jokes?
    Dilly silly! (Jean Lyon, Ashtabula OH)